hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
