I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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