Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
