did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
