Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
