do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
