I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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