I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
