the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
