I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
