so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
