I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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