Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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