Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
COCAINE IS GR8
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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