someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
