rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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