bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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