THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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