bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
