Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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