Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
