So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
