Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
