lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
