Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
