Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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