there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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