Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
