remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
