i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
