It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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