My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
