You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
