She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
