Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
