don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
