I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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