I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
