Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
