well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
