There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
