My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
