Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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