Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
