1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
