I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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