i jhust puked up my retainher.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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