No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
