I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
