I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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