I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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